Rose Michele ~ A Birth Story

There is something about a birth that changes a woman.  Each one is so unique, so exciting, so trying, while also so empowering.  At least, all four of mine have been.  I had long, slow, painful labor with Kyle.  I had even longer, slower, less painful at first, but equally as awful in the end, labor with Ellee.  Then Sadie happened; wild, brutal and less than 3 hours start to finish. When I discovered I was expecting Rosie, one of my first thoughts was, “I have to do that again?!”—initially in regards to the first trimester and then in regards to labor and delivery.  And yet, as you approach the end of pregnancy, all you want is to get it over with.  To do it today.  To have actually already done it yesterday.  It’s an all consuming thing those last few weeks of uncomfortable pregnancy.  But it never happens as you imagined.

Pregnancy is not kind to me.  Fear of nausea was easily the main reason I wasn’t sure I’d ever be up to living through it again after Sadie.  Every time I had even a slight twinge of discomfort in my stomach after going through it so awfully with Sadie, I would think to myself, “I’m not ready for that again.”  But God had other plans.  Thankfully, after two miserable bouts with morning sickness well into the second trimester with both of the other girls, I think I had come up with a few coping tactics by the time the dreaded nausea hit.  I determined with as much determination as I could muster to not start throwing up this time.  It wasn’t easy, and (TMI) I swallowed a lot of heaves, but we made it.  Rosie and I.  We made it through the entire pregnancy without a single visit to the toilet…. Or sink… or side yard.  Thankfully, the constant feeling of wanting to puke lessened at about 14 weeks, significantly earlier than with both the other girls.

At 20 weeks, it was discovered that I had a marginal cord insertion, where the umbilical cord had grown out of the side of the placenta, not the middle.  The initial cautions were that she may not get enough nutrition through the cord and could end up being a small baby.  However, after a few scans during the middle of the pregnancy, she was determined to be quite sturdy for her gestational age and no more concern was voiced about the cord issue. But because of the frequent scans, we could tell she was breech the entire time. I hoped and prayed she would flip, and week after week, she still appeared to be right side up.  At 35 weeks, we scanned again to be sure.  Breech and stubborn.  I tried to encourage her from the outside as much as I could.  I would push on my belly when she would get to moving, trying to help her in the right direction - down.  I tried the same position of hands and knees stance that I had tried to get Sadie into position (she did flip).  But Rose wasn’t budging.  She stayed in the same position the whole last month or more.  Head up in my left ribs.  Rear down near my right hip.  She still loves to keep her legs bent up like she was on the inside.

I had annoying and regular early labor/false contractions for the two weeks leading up to her birth.  I had never had any early labor like that with any of my other pregnancies.  It threw me for a loop.  I didn’t know what to expect, either, because I was afraid she would fall out like Sadie had done.  I was not prepared to birth a breech baby on the side of the road, despite Jonathan’s unwavering confidence that he could help me through it.  Sometimes I wonder if that male confidence that they can handle anything is a bit unfounded.  Anyway, as the days went by, I realized more and more that I was likely going to push her breech.  It was that or have a C-section.  I truly have no desire to be cut open, and was willing to do anything to avoid it.  After three vaginal births, I hoped to go for a fourth.  Thankfully my OB was also open to the idea — actually, she was more confident in it as an option than I was.  I couldn’t help but fear for complications.  And I couldn’t visualize it at all.  It went against everything I knew about labor and delivery…. Head first, then the rest.  The thought of doing it backwards was so unnerving.  So, I decided to watch a few YouTube videos of breech births.  The sight of it alarmed me at first, but seeing it done and that it worked much like head first births relieved my fears a lot.  The next day, I had my mom also watch the videos with me, as she was expected to be at the birth.  I like to be prepared.

On Wednesday, January 9th, at 38 weeks, I was having frequent and mildly painful contractions.  I didn’t know what to do, and feared they would progress quickly like my last labor, so we went over to L&D.  After a lot of hours of monitoring, it was determined that I wasn’t in active labor and I was sent home.  I was 0 cm dilated.  Lame.  I was so deflated and frustrated that after three previous labors, I still didn’t feel like I could listen to my body because this was all so different.  I pouted the whole next day, irritated and grumpy.  On Friday, the 11th, it was gorgeous (if cold) and I went for a long walk with my BFF, pushing Sadie Kate in the stroller.  I knew from previous experience that walking doesn’t actually make babies come…. Or at least not always.  But I didn’t want to sit around all day just waiting to go into labor.  I had decided no matter what, until the contractions got too hard to handle, I wasn’t going back up to L&D.  Breech birth on Whiskey Road, whatever.  It better start hurting.  I bounced on a yoga ball some.  

That night, I continued to have the same pesky barely contractions.  Then I had three not-so-barely contractions.  I got back out of bed to tell Jonathan it might be go time.  It was sometime just before midnight.  Another contraction or two and I thought I was leaking fluid.  Yeah… TMI again… after three births it can be hard to tell for certain what’s going on when 38 weeks pregnant.  I had been told by a reliable source that if my water broke, I would know it without a doubt.  But just in case, I called my mom and started trying to call my sister in law, Hannah, who was also coming for the birth.  It took her an entire hour to answer the phone, but she did eventually get there.  We alerted our neighbor who was going to come stay with the kids while we got ready to head out.  Contractions kept coming, stronger and harder, and I was mentally preparing myself for a rapid and wild birth again like I had with Sadie.  Just before we were going to leave the house, my water broke…. And kept breaking…. The entire way to the hospital.  I was nervous and excited.  The drive went smoothly, because the contractions all but stopped after my water broke. We listened to praise hymns and I whispered prayers of thanks to God. My prayer had been that I would know without a doubt when it was time, and now I knew.  There was no going home.  One way or the other, this stubborn breech baby was coming today!  It was about 1 am.

We arrived at the hospital and got checked in…. Again.  They still asked me all the same questions.  My doctor had said to be sure they called her as soon as I got there and not to wait until I dilated.  When they checked me, I was about 3cm.  But the contractions were still almost non existent.  As is apparently common with breech babies, when there is nothing pushing on the cervix, especially once my waters weren’t intact, there is no activity.  When my doctor got there and checked, I was 4cm.  We hung out for a couple hours and shot the breeze with the nurses and my doctor.  Bless her heart, it was the middle of the night on the weekend.  I had hoped I could get through another labor and delivery drug free, but it was decided that I would get an epidural to try to start Pitocin.  It felt ridiculous to get an epidural when I wasn’t even in pain.  Kyle had not handled Pitocin well during my labor with him, so I didn’t think it would work this time.  Rosie was still diagonal and showed no signs of changing.  I was prepped for surgery and frustrated.  The nurses didn’t think there was a way on the planet I would push her out, it was obvious.  But the epidural took okay and the Pitocin started.  Once it was going strong, I could still feel a lot through the epidural, but it would have been absolutely unbearable without it.  She started shifting more central, and I was dilating well.  It didn’t take long for me to get to 10cm…. I think about an hour and a half after the Pitocin was started.  She was descending and we were sitting on go.  It was about 7am.

I was painfully disappointed that I had to deliver in the OR because she was still breech.  I wanted so badly for my sister in law to also witness the birth.  Thankfully my doctor made an exception and handed my mom a set of scrubs.  My mom was there for Kyle’s birth and I missed having her for Ellee's and Sadie’s.  Not knowing if I’d ever have another one, or at the very least if it would ever happen again in the US, I really wanted her there to see this one.

The OR was bright and there were so many people in there.  Felt like they brought the janitor and the cooks in, too, just for kicks.  So many people and me…. Ready to squeeze a baby out backwards.  I was scared and frustrated it wasn’t going like I had hoped.  But I knew I didn’t have much of a choice.  I didn’t want the decision for surgery to be made, so I gave it all I had.  My mom was beside me, and Jonathan behind my head.  My doc was coaching me, and everyone else.  Turns out not a single nurse I interacted with had ever seen a vaginal breech delivery.  It was a first for all of us, besides my doctor.  I pushed with all my might and Mom was saying, “It looks just like the videos.”  That was a comfort to me.  After about 4 minutes, she was born at 7:46AM.  Utter and complete relief, unlike any other feeling in the world.  She was set on my chest and I could touch her.  She held my finger.  I sobbed, as is my consistent reaction to birth.  She was white and sticky, like Ellee had been, but I didn’t care.  I stroked her and wept.  She was 10 days early, weighing 7 lbs and 2 ounces and 20” long.  Beautiful in every way.  Just like my others, but different, too.  I was so relieved to have her here.  I had felt irritated with her the last few weeks, wishing she would flip and give me some peace of mind.  But that all faded when I held her.  She was too tiny and sweet to be grumpy with her.  I wouldn’t have wished it to be that way, but I’m thankful I could do it.  An overwhelming majority of babies flip head down for birth.  And the few who stay breech are almost all delivered via C-section.  To deliver a breech baby vaginally in the modern world is definitely a unique experience.  She obviously didn’t just want to be the fourth, she wanted to be my first to back into the world!

{Notifying the family at home that Rosie had made a safe entry into the world.  Still in the OR.}

 She’s a doll and a content baby.  She’s sleeping great.  And she’s like honey to my soul.  My heart is filled to overflowing.

{Family Photo Shoot, 1 week old}

{2 1/2 Months Old}

~Abby

Sadie Kate's Birth Story

Early last week we learned of some paperwork hassles we weren’t expecting to encounter.  It’s the story of life when living abroad.  After many attempts to call and get information from the US Consulate in Durban, I finally got through to someone and she explained the process we would need to complete to obtain Sadie Kate’s passport and Report of Birth Abroad.  She also informed us that we would be unable to cross back in to Lesotho without these things.  That was major news to us, because we had crossed back in with Ellee without those documents, just her South African birth certificate.  But South Africa changed the laws this January, requiring parents to show their children’s passports as well as their unabridged birth certificates when crossing the border.  We were intending to drive from Durban to Maseru after the birth and apply in Maseru at that Consulate this time, too.  Having to stay in Durban to apply and wait for the paperwork meant still being on our South African visas which run out on November 14th.  Thus, we were looking at a serious time crunch on business days to complete things, get her passport back and get out of South Africa with our baby before we had overstayed our visas.

At my doctor appointment last Friday, the day before my due date, we set an induction date for Tuesday, Oct 27.  I did not want to be induced - I have never wanted to be induced - but we really had no choice except to try to get Sadie to come so she could have a birth date and a passport picture taken.  Then we could submit her application.  The doctor did an internal check that morning and said he didn’t really think I was prime for labor at that point, so we agreed that Tuesday was the longest we could give my body to prepare naturally while still allowing enough business days to wait for her documents to come back.  I really appreciated that the doctor also wasn’t keen to induce because medically everything was fine, but, of course, recognized our predicament.  He explained how the process would go and said because she was my third, it would probably be relatively simple and my body would take the hint.  

The rest of Friday and Saturday came and went without any signs of labor.  On the recommendation of a few friends, I decided to try drinking some castor oil on Sunday afternoon.  I was really afraid to do it, not knowing how it would affect my system, but was desperate to not have to do an induction.  I read hundreds of testimonials online of women who had tried castor oil for induction.  Some were quite comical, for some it had done the trick and for others it had been an absolute nightmare.  I was so nervous to try it I couldn’t eat any lunch, so instead I ate a bowl of ice-cream with a ton of sprinkles.  I said a prayer and took the glug.  The afternoon progressed without any difficulty, just a couple trips to the bathroom and no pain or discomfort whatsoever.  Around suppertime I took another glug and still nothing by 10:45 when I climbed into bed.

I hadn’t fallen asleep before the first contraction came.  It was mild, just barely notable.  I hung out in the bed for nearly an hour and probably had five or six more contractions.  Because the kids were in the room and Kyle was beside me in the bed, I decided to get up and move to the couch as they were getting slightly more intense and it wasn’t as easy to stay quiet and still through them.  Around midnight, I plunked down on the couch and told Jonathan I’d had a few contractions and that it was going to be a long night.  I had read so many castor oil testimonies that said they had experienced some contractions but it never led to anything.  I was still thinking it could be a fluke and thought I’d probably just end up missing a few hours of sleep over nothing.  Nevertheless I alerted my sister in law that I was having some contractions and asked her to call and let my mom know.  On a scale of 1-10 I ranked them at about a 4 and about 20 minutes and a few contractions later, decided I’d start to time them.  Within the next 20 or so minutes, I had six more contractions and they grew significantly in intensity.  

By then I thought I ought to try to write out instructions for the guest house owner, Wendy, who had agreed to come and sleep on the couch if I went in labor during the night.  Why I didn’t write those dumb instructions out before the day after my due date, I don’t know.  I guess I just really believed labor would be slow and boring at first and I’d do it then.   I struggled to write out details for breakfast and lunch and Ellee’s nap time and hoped that would be enough.  I had no idea how long we would be gone.  Jonathan got dressed and started getting things together while I struggled through more rapid contractions.  He called Wendy and let her know we were leaving soon for the hospital.  I waited until a contraction had just finished to rush into the bedroom where the kids were and try to get dressed before another hit.  Wendy came up and I didn’t really want her to see me having contractions, so I ran to the bathroom for the next one.  Then I hurried out to try to talk through the few notes I’d written out and rushed back to the bathroom for another contraction.  By the time I came back out, Jonathan had everything together and we got out the door.  I had to stop for another contraction before we could even get to the car.  It was just after 1AM.

The drive from the guest house to the hospital is about 20 minutes.  I was dreading all the speed bumps we’d have to cross and Jonathan was thoroughly enjoying running all the reds lights.  He said he’d always wanted to be able to do it and that it was apparently genuine cause for breaking the law if you had a laboring woman in the car with you.  The contractions were coming hard and fast, but I was still wondering if they would just stop out of no where.  I had about four or five minutes between them at one point and thought to myself, “great, what if they’ve stopped.”  Wrong.  They kept coming.  I had read in the testimonies that castor oil could make relatively quick labors.  It had not even crossed my mind that I could possibly be very far dilated, though, because my other two labors were relatively long and slow.  And things had just started.  The contractions I experienced with both Kyle and Ellee at 2-3cm were nearly as intense as what I was experiencing in the car.  We parked at the hospital and I realized I didn’t know where I had put the phone.  We looked in the car and in my bags and were struggling to find it.  The phone had the SIM card which we would use for internet to contact our families.  I thought about sending Jonathan back to the guest house to get it.  We kept looking for it while I kept having contractions and finally found it in a side pocket of my hospital bag.  It was about 1:30.

We walked into the hospital and I had to stop to have a contraction before I could speak to the nurse.  They offered me a wheelchair, which I readily accepted, and hurried me down the hall to Labor and Delivery.  They initially started taking me to a labor room when the midwife came and took over.  She wheeled me straight to the delivery room, asking when the contractions had started.  By this time I was pretty much just having one big contraction and was struggling to talk much.  We waited for a slight lull so she could stand me up and without any warning at all, she stripped my clothes right off me.  I was trying to tell her I needed to pee so badly but she told me it didn’t matter, she had to check to see how far dilated I was and I could pee on her if I wanted.  She was a feisty little English woman probably in her fifties.  She checked and checked again and boy, did that hurt, and then said, “yeah I figured.  About 7-8.  What’s your name?”  Jonathan answered for me.  I was shocked.  And I was terrified.  I knew that meant no drugs, and the reality of delivery without any drugs was just absolutely terrifying in that moment.  Both my other deliveries, with epidurals, had been awfully painful.  Sheer panic set in at the reality of having to do it without any meds.  I cried, hard, and must’ve said ten times over that I couldn’t do it.  I probably said it a hundred more times over the next half hour.

The midwife immediately called my Doctor, who naturally was sleeping at 1:45 on a Monday morning, and he said he would be over immediately.  She started throwing the room together for delivery while I kept having miserable contractions and struggling to even catch my breath.  Until we got into the hospital, I was able to at least breathe between the contractions and was trying to breathe well through them.  By this point, I could hardly see straight and I just couldn’t catch my breath.  And my mouth was so dry.  I asked for some water which Jonathan got for me and I sucked a bunch of it down.  I asked if there was anything at all she could give me for the pain and she said, “gas.”  I didn’t like the sound of that.  I asked if it would make me loopy and she said a little but as soon as you stop breathing it, it wears off.  I didn’t want to be loopy for the delivery, but I thought I’d give it a go at least to try to catch my breath at that point.  I sucked and sucked on that stupid gas and it didn’t do a darn thing.  She kept saying you have to breath through the mouth and I was trying but it wasn’t helping.  Nevertheless, Jonathan shoved it in my mouth a few more times with the contractions and it gave me something to focus on other than the incredible pain.

My body started involuntarily pushing and I was (not so quietly) telling the midwife that I needed to deliver the baby.  She was adamant that I needed to wait for the doctor to arrive and I was just as adamant that I couldn’t help it.  She kept checking and said the head wasn’t quite there yet, but my body didn’t care and kept pushing her down anyway.  So involuntary.  So incredibly intense.  So painful.  I was thankful I knew I was the only person in the delivery area (which was entirely separate from the labor and recovery rooms) because I was so loud.  I absolutely could not help it, even though I was trying my hardest to be nice.  Everything I said and did came out so loud!  It was chaotic but I wasn’t trying to be.  I was still just shocked I was so close to fully dilated and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on.  And I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

The midwife had gloves on at this point so she could be messing with me, and she kept asking Jonathan to do things so she could keep her gloves clean.  He was opening things and getting her hair out of her eyes for her.  She was sweating profusely.  The bell rang for the door and she told Jonathan to run open it for the doctor.  He later said his wife was parked behind him in the driveway so he decided to take her car, but his access keys were left in his car.  He ran in and also started making requests of Jonathan.  Neither of us understand why another nurse didn’t come in to help that poor midwife, but we figure it might be that it was an otherwise quiet Sunday night and they had sent people home.  We don’t know.  But, I guess it was good that Jonathan had something to do to help, because goodness knows there wasn’t a thing he could do to help me.  He was trying and I was trying to be nice but I couldn’t handle anything touching me.  Although I know I kept grabbing his arm and the midwife’s arm when they were close and I didn’t know why I was doing it but I couldn’t not.  Jonathan swung the spot light around and got it situated while the doctor pulled on his gloves and tried to get ready.  The doctor was so calm and collected and I was so out of control.  I really was.  My body was doing it and I couldn’t help what all it was doing.

With the next contraction, from somewhere deep within, in a place I didn’t know I had, I managed an enormous push.  One single push and she crowned.  And it hurt.  Then I had to wait what felt like an eternity but was probably only about 45 seconds for the next contraction so I could push her shoulders out.  Another enormous push!  Goodnight this girl has broad shoulders, that was the first time I’d ever had to try to push the shoulders out!  And she was born.  It was 2:07.  With Kyle and Ellee, I felt an intense sense of relief when I knew I was done.  This time I didn’t feel that immediately.  I was shocked.  It couldn’t sink in.  She was here.  A couple hours ago I had been climbing into my bed with no signs of labor and there I was with my baby on the chest.

She was here.  Sadie Kate.  The girl who had put me on such a rough and wild ride straight from the start of pregnancy to the delivery.  I checked to make sure she was a girl.  They just left her there, warm and slippery, on my chest.  I was still wearing my regular clothes on top.  Her skin was clean, like Kyle’s had been, and she cried immediately.  Because Ellee was so early, she was covered in vernix and she didn’t breathe well right at first.  I was relieved that Sadie was breathing and crying.  She was big, strong and healthy and I was so thankful to be touching her.  The rest of the stuff the doctor was doing hurt, too, and I wasn’t happy about it.  Incredibly I didn’t need any stitches.  Within a few minutes he left me alone and soon he was headed home to go back to bed.

The midwife asked Jonathan to go check me in to the hospital so she could proceed with identifying me and the baby and handle paperwork.  We hadn’t even signed in on our way through the emergency reception.  While he was gone, I got in touch with my mom to tell her Sadie was born and when he got back he called his parents.  After the paperwork was completed, the midwife suggested I take a shower in the enormous and weirdly beautiful shower in the delivery room bathroom.  I wasn’t sure I could stand up yet but she put a chair in the shower and I managed.  Jonathan held Sadie Kate and sang to her while I sat under the warm water trying to grasp what had just happened.  When I got out and was ready to be wheeled to a recovery room, I was finally able to hold her and just cry.  She was here.  I couldn’t believe it but I was so, so relieved.  

She is a sweet baby.  She likes to snuggle and she loves milk.  Kyle and Ellee are smitten with her and she seems to enjoy them, too.  At least as much as a four day old baby enjoys anything.  She closes her eyes when we kiss her.    She looks a lot like Ellee did as a baby but I also see plenty of Kyle faces, too.  I certainly don’t think she looks a world different from either of them.  Sort of a mix of both.  I’m in love all over again.  

It was hard.  All of it was hard.  But she was worth it.  Every bit of it.

~Abby

Waiting.......

I found this place to stay for our baby-waiting-month on a website I use often to find accommodation all around South Africa.  I booked it in May for a few nights when my parents flew in for their visit and, after seeing it, approached the owner about renting it for the entire month of October.  Having one late baby and one early baby, I figured we needed to just plan to settle in for multiple weeks surrounding my due date.  We also knew we needed to find something that had a kitchen so we could cook for ourselves.  Where we stayed in Bloem when Ellee was born was not equipped with a kitchen, and while we made it work, doing dishes in the bathtub wasn’t ideal.  Of course, we knew renting any place for a month wouldn’t be cheap, but we didn’t really have a choice.  So I was pleased when the owner got back to me.  We agreed on a reduced nightly rate (about 60% of her normal rate) for us and secured our booking.

We are staying in a suburb of Durban, about a 35 minute drive to the coast, 15 minute drive to the hospital and 5 minute drive to the grocery.  The 5 minute drive to the grocery has me tickled pink (or should I say green?).  I am in fresh food heaven.  The guest house is on the owner’s property, situated above their garage and office.  It has one bedroom, a beautiful and spacious bathroom with a separate shower and tub (which I am so, so enjoying!!!!), a kitchen and bar for eating, and a living area.  We have Kyle sleeping on the couch and Ellee in her pack & play in the bedroom with us.  The porch is also very spacious and has a fancy gas grill and a big table, boasting lovely views of the hills.  The yard is impeccably kept with tropical flowers and a water fountain and they have a pool, trampoline and play gym for the kids to use.  Thankfully, as neither of my kids can swim, the pool has a very secure cover which is kept on at all times when it is not in use.  The apartment has two air conditioning units, which are so divinely wonderful for cooling the warm and moist Durban air at night.  I’m afraid we are spoiled by Mokhotlong’s cool and dry evenings year round!  

Porch view 

Little Swimmers

Chilly water on a blazing hot day

"Look, Mom, no hands!"

Jonathan is thoroughly enjoying having the sports channels on the TV, I am loving the hot water which runs freely out of the tap, and the kids think having a trampoline in the backyard is the best thing they’ve ever encountered.  We decided because we’ve never had the luxury of a gas grill, we would take advantage of grilling a lot!  Although we do have a small coal grill, we typically try to avoid grilling much in Mokhotlong because we know to our neighbors, meat is considered to be something that is very special and saved for rare occasions (because of it’s cost).  So, we’re grilling right and left down here and enjoying the rapid speed of lighting a gas grill and throwing the meat on!  And I don’t mind dishes a bit with free flowing hot water!

Kyle's special big boy movie date

Since the beach is a decent drive from here, I figure we’ll only try to go once a week until we leave.  Monday morning last week we got up and headed that way bright and early.  It was windy but pleasant and the kids had a great time building sand castles.  I didn’t pull the camera out at the beach but I did manage to capture their post-beach snooze on the drive home.  Sun and sand are always sure to wear a couple of kiddos out!

Building sand castles is exhausting

We found a nearby park on a creek the other day and enjoyed playing there for a while.  I think we’ll venture back over there tomorrow.  Naturally, I’m feeling somewhat stir crazy and anxious about the upcoming labor and delivery.  I am constantly trying to do things to keep myself occupied.  So I think a morning at the park and then ice cream are in the cards for us tomorrow…..

I see the Doctor again on Friday.  Hopefully Sadie Kate will decide to exit before then and I won't make my appointment.  :)  11 days till Due Date and counting....

~Abby

Where There is No Hospital

This girl.  I deeply love her already and I have yet to even hold her.  She has put me on the wildest, toughest, most stressful pregnancy journey imaginable.  At least it feels that way.  I can’t wait to meet her and weep with joy that this miserable pregnancy is over!

I had hoped that the super-sicks would let up on me and give me a solid break before the super-aches kicked in.  It hasn’t happened that way at all.  As the nausea let up in the late teen and early twenty weeks, the serious acid reflux and various aches and pains took its place.  I'm still battling nausea at times, but I think it’s been about twelve weeks since I actually lost anything out of my belly.  For that I am thankful!  A number of foods still sound pretty disgusting, but at least my sweet tooth is back.  Because my body is in extreme famine recovery mode, I am having to watch everything I put in my mouth or the scale will win this battle.  Thankfully I really, really like salad.  

We can recap my weight fluctuations over the past months — I lost 8 pounds being sick between 6 and 18 weeks (a miracle really that I didn’t lose more).  Then I have put those 8 back on plus 11 more over the course of the past 18 weeks (yes, that’s more than a pound a week…. yikes).  I have a goal to not gain more than 4 more pounds over my remaining 4 weeks, which I think is doable with lots of discipline and determination.  The most amazing part is that the Doctor says that SK is right on track or even a little big for her gestation.  It’s a miracle she even survived the first half of this pregnancy, incredible that she seems to have grown just fine in spite of it all!

Five weeks ago I started having some minor contractions in the middle of the day.  I have never had a bit of contraction pain with my other two pregnancies until the day or two before delivery, so I knew it wasn’t a good sign.  I hung out in the bed for the whole afternoon, trying to determine if they would subside.  They weren’t very rhythmic, actually more constant and directly connected to the insane number of Braxton Hicks contractions I was experiencing.  By late afternoon it was obvious they weren’t letting up and we were trying to determine what to do.  I was 30 weeks along and there was no real possibility of a good outcome had labor really started and I delivered here in Mokhotlong.  As one might imagine, there is no NICU at the Mokhotlong clinic, and I do not believe they have any oxygen or warming equipment.  I called my OB in South Africa to discuss what I was feeling.  Of course his recommendation was to get checked by someone who could determine if I was actually trying to go into labor.  He said that the window of time to stop labor is quite short and if I got past that window, it would be nearly impossible to do anything.  The closest border closes at 6pm, which we were too late to catch, so we decided to head out a different border about 3.5 hours from here, plus another hour to the hospital.  To say it was a stressful afternoon would be a huge understatement.  There truly is no easy way out of here, especially late in the day.  It was like a nightmare trying to rapidly throw things together to make it to the other border before it closed at 10pm, all while trying to not stress myself out and cause my body more difficulty.  We got out of here by quarter to 6 and made it to the hospital by a little after 10.  I made peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches in the car before the sun set completely, as there is positively no where to get any food between here and the hospital.  And I did so thinking, “is this real life?"

A urine culture showed a bladder infection which they determined to be the cause of the contractions.  An hour or so after the first dose of antibiotics the contractions subsided.  They admitted me to monitor things overnight and so I could see an OB in the morning and make sure everything was okay on the inside.  There isn’t any sleep quite like that of a night in the hospital…. as in, there isn’t any sleep on a night in the hospital.  I think I’ll never understand why they need a person’s blood pressure at 5am.  But anyway, everything checked out okay.  I have had a few more minor episodes of contractions since then, which doesn’t make a ton of sense, but I was prescribed a uterine relaxer which I have taken twice since being back in Mok and it has stopped things.  Before this episode, I was trying to walk regularly to rebuild some of the strength I lost during my sick months.  Now I will just have to wait to try to rebuild strength after SK is out.  We live at about 9,000ft elevation and even walking around here is hard on our bodies.  So I’m stuck being super lazy for a few more weeks.

We spent the past week in Maseru (5.5 hours from Mokhotlong) awaiting extended visas for South Africa.  It wasn’t exactly a simple process, but it worked out fine and we now have a visa which will allow us enough days to await the birth.  We typically only receive a 7-day visa stamp when we cross the border, and now we have 45 days.

I am scheduled to see my OB again on Sept 30.  So in one week, we’ll be headed out to await the birth!  I’m so relieved after talking to the owner of the guest house we have booked, as she offered to be on-call to watch our other kids when labor hits.  I will be indescribably happy to get down and know we are close to the hospital and won’t be coming back here until we have a baby in our care.  We are tentatively booked from Sept 30-Nov 6th, understanding that if SK comes way early, we will leave early.  It is a relief to know that we have a place to just stay and wait and not have to worry about being far from the hospital.  That gives her 3 weeks to come early and 2 weeks to come late!  Please don’t let it be the latter!  

We are all so excited and eager to meet this girl.  It's obvious already that she's feisty and has a mind of her own, I can't help but wonder who she'll be.  I'm busy cleaning and nesting and packing for our month away from home.  I keep asking myself, "when did I get three kids I have to pack for?"  It doesn't really seem possible.  But Jonathan and I are ready to be outnumbered!  Bring it on!

6 months

8 months (35.5 weeks)

~Abby

A Collision of Two Cultures

In recent days my kids have been enjoying pulling all of Sadie Kate’s things out of her drawer and carrying them around the house in anticipation of her arrival.  They are quite fond of her newborn sleepers, her little lamb from my grandmother, and the nursing cover.  Ellee thinks it’s her cape.

One day recently my house-helper and friend, MaMopeli, was here cleaning.  As I was picking up things in the living room, I held up the nursing cover and said, “Mme, this is how makhoa (white people) feed their babies.  Under one of these.”  She looked at me with a most quizzical and puzzled look, as if I had grown a second head.  She asked, “Are you serious?”  Then she laughed, because that’s what she does most of the time anyway, and shook her head.  I explained that generally white people (I use the term loosely, not because I am racist, but because that is how foreigners are distinguished from Basotho here) are uncomfortable with breast feeding in public and this is their way of making it acceptable — to cover the baby and the breast with a tent and attempt to feed anyway….  Certainly she was confused.  She went on to say what I already know to be true, a Masotho isn’t worried a bit about covering herself or the baby in order to nourish her child.  If the baby is hungry, the baby gets fed, regardless of where Mama is or who is around.

Generally Basotho are quite modest people.  The women here cover their waists and rear-ends with blankets and scarves, they would not be caught dead in a bathing suit or shorts, and they typically keep their top halves fully covered.  Men do not wear shorts.  There are, of course, some traditional clothes, or lack-there-of, which in western culture would be considered immodest, but they are not a common thing.  However, Basotho aren’t the slightest bit reserved when it comes to feeding their babies.  When discussing this topic with our close friend, it was likened to an elbow or ankle showing when a woman is feeding her child.  

White people, on the other hand, at least Americans, tend to be relatively immodest people in comparison.  Our women wear pants, shorts, bikinis… You get the picture.  Our men have no problem wearing shorts either, or skipping a shirt to take a jog.  These things are all commonly accepted in our culture and not the least bit looked down upon.  However, it is commonly unacceptable for a woman to feed her baby in a public place without a nursing cover, and often even seen as unacceptable for her to do so with a cover!  No one, and I mean no one, could dispute the fact that way more skin is showing in a bikini than when a woman is feeding her baby on a park bench or (gasp) in a church pew!

I spend a decent amount of time thinking about this topic, because I have found myself in a collision of two cultures.  I didn’t own a nursing cover when I was nursing Kyle.  I can count on one hand the number of times I fed that boy in a public place, and only ever did so highly self-consciously and fully covered with a blanket.  My life revolved around trying to time his feeds when I was going to be in a private place or making sure I had pumped a bottle so that I wasn’t stuck somewhere with a hungry baby and no viable options for feeding him.  It was highly stressful and and constricting.  Then I moved to Africa and Ellee was born.  I resolved very early on with Ellee that I just wasn’t going to bother trying to time her feedings or drape us both with a tent in order to feed her.  If the child needed to eat, the child was going to be fed.  I couldn’t count or name all the public places Ellee ate her meals.  She breastfed exclusively for eight months.  

The opinions and articles on this matter are not few.  I see it constantly on Facebook and blog posts.  Makhoa, white people, Americans, westerners are so determined that "breast feeding is best, but it has it’s place.”  I see comment after comment after comment about the indecency and immodesty of feeding a baby in public.  I can hardly stomach the hypocrisy!  A stroll down the beach or through a mall will certainly expose one to more indecency than sitting nearby a woman simply trying to feed her child!

I’ve become immune to the sight of a woman sitting on the side of the road, fully exposed, feeding her infant.  It is common for women here to feed their babies in church, on the stoop in front of a shop, or on a bus.  I’ve read and heard it said that we, westerners, are more advanced than the majority of world cultures, thus our women have more decency…. Wait, what?  I beg to differ!  We have it all wrong!  We don’t have any more decency than these cultures who accept that it is completely natural for a woman to feed her child!  Rather we have twisted and perverted the beautiful design of breastfeeding into something sexual and thus something that should be done in private or under cover because it is shameful.  I cannot for a second understand how we got to where we are, and neither can our Basotho friends.  They just laugh at us, rightfully so, and say it’s really no big deal.  It shouldn’t be a big deal.  And while I realize that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so neither will it be torn down in one.  Something has got to change.  Maybe, just maybe, if we could shift our thinking to believing that nursing babies is actually a completely acceptable and respectable thing to do with breasts, we could take a step towards shifting our extremely over-sexualized culture for the better!

So when Sadie Kate comes along in a few weeks, Ellee will get to keep her cape.  If the baby is hungry, she’s gonna be fed, whether we are in Africa or America.  And if someone has any objection, I’ll do my best to keep a pillow case in the diaper bag so they can drape their head while I continue feeding my child.

~Abby

Where There Is No Doctor (Baby #3)

Mokhotlong is a beautiful place to live.  The people are friendly and welcoming, the mountains are majestic and awe-inspiring, the days are slow and quiet.  It is known for cold winters and mild summers.  We really feel at home here in our corner of Lesotho.  Really one of the only drawbacks to living in such a delightfully secluded place is the lack of medical care.

With Baby #3 on the way, I already find myself worrying about it.  What if I get stuck on Sani Pass giving birth in the back-a-Rocky?  It’s a genuine concern.  While the back-a-Rocky does tend to provide us with a variety services, a delivery table isn’t one I’m looking to add to the list.  Immediately when we found out were expecting, we began discussing our various options for prenatal check ups and where to deliver.

Having been pregnant in three different countries, I’ve seen my share of doctors.  My first doctor experience in Mexico was unnerving to say the least.  Thankfully my second doctor experience in Mexico redeemed things significantly.  I delivered Kyle in the US with my favorite Doctor but I couldn’t talk her into coming with me to Africa to deliver Ellee.

Arriving to South Africa/Lesotho late in my pregnancy with Ellee, I really just had to take the luck of the draw with a doctor.  I ended up recommended by a general practitioner to an OB-GYN that I absolutely loved.  He was laid back, conservative, calming and easy to talk to.  He was perfectly willing to work with our situation of living in Lesotho but traveling to South Africa for check ups and delivery.  We were living about two hours away from Bloemfontein, where Ellee was born, and traveling back and forth a number of times before we went to stay for her birth.  

Now in Mokhotlong, we are a solid four hours drive to the nearest private hospital in South Africa, five hours drive from where I plan to see a doctor and deliver Baby #3.  Unfortunately, seeing my Doctor in Bloemfontein is out of the question, as the drive now from Mokhotlong is 7-8 hours.  So, I’m taking the recommendation of a friend and hoping and praying I am pleased with my new doctor the way I was with my Ellee doctor.  We leave this weekend for my first appointment on Monday.

Throughout my pregnancy, we will travel back and forth to Durban for check ups.  I anticipate seeing the doctor every 4-6 weeks early on, until maybe August or September, when we’ll have to go more regularly to check things like blood pressure, etc.  Hopefully after my first appointment, we’ll have a good idea on what the doctor is thinking and we can proceed from there.

Another serious concern for our accessibility to medical care is the border gate.  The nearest border to South Africa is closed from 6pm-6am daily.  The only border which is open 24 hours is the border at the capital city, which is 5-6 hours drive from here.  Using that boarder would send us to Bloemfontein.  

Thus our only real option is to head out significantly before the baby is due and await the birth.  We anticipate spending the month of October waiting for Baby in Durban.  Because Ellee came two weeks early and Kyle came five days late, it is totally impossible to know what this baby may or may not do.  It is, of course, our hope that Baby will come a bit early so we aren’t waiting for what feels like forever away from home.  But only God knows if that will happen.  

Right now all I can really think about is how miserably sick I am.  I’m not sick quite like I was with Ellee, less vomiting this time.  But goodness am I sick and my family is sick of me.  I’m not coping very well.  I am so eager to get past these awful weeks and enjoy being pregnant and feel like I have a better handle on life.

It won't be such a bad place to have a baby.

~Abby

Ellee's Nursery

The word “nursery” is a real stretch.  You will notice that there isn’t a photo of the room as a whole.  You may also take note that the walls are white and there aren’t any decorations to be found.  There’s a reason for all that.  Ellee is going to come home to live in the AIM Lesotho office.  But, shh, don’t tell her!  She won’t know the difference, I know, and at least she’s got a place to lay her head.  It is hard for me as a mama not to be able to make a special place for my girl like I did for my Kyle.  I don’t particularly enjoy the idea of cuddling my daughter at night in an office surrounded by a copy machine, filing cabinet and giant desk.  But, I don’t have a choice.  Once we get to Mokhotlong, I anticipate making a pretty space for my little girl to sleep and play in.  For now, however, I’ve done the best I can to make her “nursery” as sweet as possible.

After hunting all over Bloemfontein, South Africa for a crib for her and coming up with only a couple extremely expensive options, I was thrilled to get a message from a friend in Botswana telling me she knew someone selling a crib.  My immediate response was, “We’ll take it!!!!!”  I wasn’t picky about what I wanted in this piece of furniture; I only knew I did not want my daughter to sleep in a pack & play for the first two years of her life.  Turns out the crib is a custom made, beautiful wooden bed which came complete with a mattress, sheet and thin bumper to cover the inside edge.  And it was all for a girl baby, how perfect!  I am giddy!  It is white which is what I wanted.  It is smaller than a standard crib we’d buy in the US.  But, it is plenty big enough for the first couple of years as Kyle tried it out last night to make sure it was good enough for his little sister.  No, really it’s because his room was being de-bugged but I digress.  Having the smaller crib will actually be a great thing in Mokhotlong because Ellee will share her room with the queen sized bed we bought to have for guests.  That means someone better come visit…. Hint hint.  Oh, the best part about the crib?  It was ¼ the price of the only other option we were half way considering in Bloem.  I love a good bargain!

I love that book, When the World Was Waiting for You.  I bought it for Kyle after he fell in love with When the World is Ready for Bed.  The Waiting for You book tells the sweetest story of a family of rabbits who were welcoming their newest bunny.  My favorite thing about the book?  It's a big family of rabbits!  We like big families.

"We made your room so warm and snug, with crib and blanket, lamp and rug."

Dear friends also had a (get this) white dresser/changing table, which they generously gave us for her room!  I was more than thrilled.  I was ecstatic!  The dresser is a piece of furniture they had shipped from back home and it is absolutely what we needed for Ellee.  I found a changing pad at a resale shop in Pretoria where we met up to retrieve the furniture and Lollee is making a cover to go on it.  Ellee’s clothes are now folded into outfits and nestled into the top drawer.  The second drawer is full of various baby necessities like nail trimmers, a thermometer, the bag of diapers my doctor’s office gave me and a couple burp cloths, among other things.  Isn’t that octopus towel cute?  I found that in Bloem when we were trying to hunt for a crib.  At least we had some success.  The gift bag was from some friends - Ellee's first gift in Africa!  It is a pack of connectable ring teether toys.

Lest Ellee think she can get away with waiting to be born in Africa and only becoming bilingual, I brought the little wall hanging my sweet friend in Mexico made for Kyle to remind her that she's going to be required to learn Spanish, too.

I don't know what's sweeter.  The sleeper with the flower pot or the fleece jammies on the far left with the polka dots?  Or the adorable sweater in the upper middle?  Or the leggings on the far right with the ruffle on the bum?  Or the lacy shoes?  Or the rose petal bloomers?  Really?  Have little girl clothes always been this adorable?!

While in Pretoria, we stayed with new friends from South Africa who helped take us around to a few baby stores there.  One was a second hand shop where I found the little cradle/rocker thing in the bottom of the photo above as well as a baby bathtub for cheap.  Then the same friends had a Bumbo, which they gave us!  I sold the one I was given for Kyle so I am thrilled to have been offered another.  I gave it a good bath this morning as it had been stored for quite some time in their garage and it is ready for use.  Kyle is enjoying trying it out and he carries it around saying, “Ellee seat.”

Speaking of Kyle, he has finally mastered Ellee’s name and says it now with precision.  I can’t quite figure out how much he grasps but he is at least aware that something is going on with my belly and that apparently he has a sister coming.  And that she’s gonna drink milk.  We are really looking forward to his reaction to her arrival and of course we are hoping it is a smooth transition between one and two children in the family.

Because just about everything we eat is made from scratch, I decided to make up as many meals as my freezer would hold to have for after we return to Maseru with Lady Saint.  After baking lemon cranberry and apple pecan breads the other day, I have to call it quits.  The freezer is packed.  We have thirteen main dishes ready and waiting for us along with the breads I just mentioned.  I tried to get a variation between chicken, beef and pork so we can have some diversity.  Besides having to buy fresh foods for go-with-its, we should be set for a few weeks.  The only other thing I need to do is make some tortillas up but those are so flat, I’m sure I can find space for them somewhere.

I know you are all dying to know what I fixed so here is the final list:  chicken almondine, baked chicken alfredo, chicken pot pie, Mexican lasagna, sloppy joes, baked spaghetti, my grandmother’s famous Where’s the Squash lasagna, taco meat, dinner quiche, honeyed pork chops, balsamic glazed ham, shredded BBQ, and I think I’m forgetting one but I don’t feel like pulling it all out to check.  You get the idea.  We’re gonna be eating good.  Lose baby weight?  What?

Two weeks from yesterday we’ll make our way to Bloem to await her arrival.  Her due date is four weeks from tomorrow.  I don’t know what made us settle on 16 days ahead of time but for whatever reason, it’s what stuck.  Maybe it’s a foreboding.  Regardless, I just wanted to get there and settle into our guest room and not feel so anxious about making it in time for her birth.  Hopefully that is plenty of time to achieve my goal.  I would really rather not deliver here in Maseru as I’ve seen the hospital and was way less than impressed.  Even many of the Basotho leave and go to Bloem to give birth to their babies.  So, we hope to avoid that possibility as much as we can.  Our guest room set up is going to be really nice; we’ve finally settled on staying in the suite, which has a decent amount of space where we can prepare meals.   There is a small fridge/freezer and a microwave and we plan to bring a toaster oven.  Hopefully doing so will allow us to eat in often and save money on food.  And it has a little sitting area that will make our daily living a little more normal feeling.  The owner of the guesthouse has worked out a really reasonable rate for us all to stay for however many weeks we end up being there – hopefully about four.  It would be easier if we knew exactly when Little Lady will arrive but since I won’t be being induced, that just isn’t possible.  Regardless, she’s prepared for us to camp out and wait and she is letting Lacy stay for free.  Kyle doesn’t know he gets to go live by that in-ground trampoline for a month.  He is going to be so excited!

That’s all for now folks.  I should probably go take a nap while I still can.  Until next time….

~Abby