Rose Michele ~ A Birth Story

There is something about a birth that changes a woman.  Each one is so unique, so exciting, so trying, while also so empowering.  At least, all four of mine have been.  I had long, slow, painful labor with Kyle.  I had even longer, slower, less painful at first, but equally as awful in the end, labor with Ellee.  Then Sadie happened; wild, brutal and less than 3 hours start to finish. When I discovered I was expecting Rosie, one of my first thoughts was, “I have to do that again?!”—initially in regards to the first trimester and then in regards to labor and delivery.  And yet, as you approach the end of pregnancy, all you want is to get it over with.  To do it today.  To have actually already done it yesterday.  It’s an all consuming thing those last few weeks of uncomfortable pregnancy.  But it never happens as you imagined.

Pregnancy is not kind to me.  Fear of nausea was easily the main reason I wasn’t sure I’d ever be up to living through it again after Sadie.  Every time I had even a slight twinge of discomfort in my stomach after going through it so awfully with Sadie, I would think to myself, “I’m not ready for that again.”  But God had other plans.  Thankfully, after two miserable bouts with morning sickness well into the second trimester with both of the other girls, I think I had come up with a few coping tactics by the time the dreaded nausea hit.  I determined with as much determination as I could muster to not start throwing up this time.  It wasn’t easy, and (TMI) I swallowed a lot of heaves, but we made it.  Rosie and I.  We made it through the entire pregnancy without a single visit to the toilet…. Or sink… or side yard.  Thankfully, the constant feeling of wanting to puke lessened at about 14 weeks, significantly earlier than with both the other girls.

At 20 weeks, it was discovered that I had a marginal cord insertion, where the umbilical cord had grown out of the side of the placenta, not the middle.  The initial cautions were that she may not get enough nutrition through the cord and could end up being a small baby.  However, after a few scans during the middle of the pregnancy, she was determined to be quite sturdy for her gestational age and no more concern was voiced about the cord issue. But because of the frequent scans, we could tell she was breech the entire time. I hoped and prayed she would flip, and week after week, she still appeared to be right side up.  At 35 weeks, we scanned again to be sure.  Breech and stubborn.  I tried to encourage her from the outside as much as I could.  I would push on my belly when she would get to moving, trying to help her in the right direction - down.  I tried the same position of hands and knees stance that I had tried to get Sadie into position (she did flip).  But Rose wasn’t budging.  She stayed in the same position the whole last month or more.  Head up in my left ribs.  Rear down near my right hip.  She still loves to keep her legs bent up like she was on the inside.

I had annoying and regular early labor/false contractions for the two weeks leading up to her birth.  I had never had any early labor like that with any of my other pregnancies.  It threw me for a loop.  I didn’t know what to expect, either, because I was afraid she would fall out like Sadie had done.  I was not prepared to birth a breech baby on the side of the road, despite Jonathan’s unwavering confidence that he could help me through it.  Sometimes I wonder if that male confidence that they can handle anything is a bit unfounded.  Anyway, as the days went by, I realized more and more that I was likely going to push her breech.  It was that or have a C-section.  I truly have no desire to be cut open, and was willing to do anything to avoid it.  After three vaginal births, I hoped to go for a fourth.  Thankfully my OB was also open to the idea — actually, she was more confident in it as an option than I was.  I couldn’t help but fear for complications.  And I couldn’t visualize it at all.  It went against everything I knew about labor and delivery…. Head first, then the rest.  The thought of doing it backwards was so unnerving.  So, I decided to watch a few YouTube videos of breech births.  The sight of it alarmed me at first, but seeing it done and that it worked much like head first births relieved my fears a lot.  The next day, I had my mom also watch the videos with me, as she was expected to be at the birth.  I like to be prepared.

On Wednesday, January 9th, at 38 weeks, I was having frequent and mildly painful contractions.  I didn’t know what to do, and feared they would progress quickly like my last labor, so we went over to L&D.  After a lot of hours of monitoring, it was determined that I wasn’t in active labor and I was sent home.  I was 0 cm dilated.  Lame.  I was so deflated and frustrated that after three previous labors, I still didn’t feel like I could listen to my body because this was all so different.  I pouted the whole next day, irritated and grumpy.  On Friday, the 11th, it was gorgeous (if cold) and I went for a long walk with my BFF, pushing Sadie Kate in the stroller.  I knew from previous experience that walking doesn’t actually make babies come…. Or at least not always.  But I didn’t want to sit around all day just waiting to go into labor.  I had decided no matter what, until the contractions got too hard to handle, I wasn’t going back up to L&D.  Breech birth on Whiskey Road, whatever.  It better start hurting.  I bounced on a yoga ball some.  

That night, I continued to have the same pesky barely contractions.  Then I had three not-so-barely contractions.  I got back out of bed to tell Jonathan it might be go time.  It was sometime just before midnight.  Another contraction or two and I thought I was leaking fluid.  Yeah… TMI again… after three births it can be hard to tell for certain what’s going on when 38 weeks pregnant.  I had been told by a reliable source that if my water broke, I would know it without a doubt.  But just in case, I called my mom and started trying to call my sister in law, Hannah, who was also coming for the birth.  It took her an entire hour to answer the phone, but she did eventually get there.  We alerted our neighbor who was going to come stay with the kids while we got ready to head out.  Contractions kept coming, stronger and harder, and I was mentally preparing myself for a rapid and wild birth again like I had with Sadie.  Just before we were going to leave the house, my water broke…. And kept breaking…. The entire way to the hospital.  I was nervous and excited.  The drive went smoothly, because the contractions all but stopped after my water broke. We listened to praise hymns and I whispered prayers of thanks to God. My prayer had been that I would know without a doubt when it was time, and now I knew.  There was no going home.  One way or the other, this stubborn breech baby was coming today!  It was about 1 am.

We arrived at the hospital and got checked in…. Again.  They still asked me all the same questions.  My doctor had said to be sure they called her as soon as I got there and not to wait until I dilated.  When they checked me, I was about 3cm.  But the contractions were still almost non existent.  As is apparently common with breech babies, when there is nothing pushing on the cervix, especially once my waters weren’t intact, there is no activity.  When my doctor got there and checked, I was 4cm.  We hung out for a couple hours and shot the breeze with the nurses and my doctor.  Bless her heart, it was the middle of the night on the weekend.  I had hoped I could get through another labor and delivery drug free, but it was decided that I would get an epidural to try to start Pitocin.  It felt ridiculous to get an epidural when I wasn’t even in pain.  Kyle had not handled Pitocin well during my labor with him, so I didn’t think it would work this time.  Rosie was still diagonal and showed no signs of changing.  I was prepped for surgery and frustrated.  The nurses didn’t think there was a way on the planet I would push her out, it was obvious.  But the epidural took okay and the Pitocin started.  Once it was going strong, I could still feel a lot through the epidural, but it would have been absolutely unbearable without it.  She started shifting more central, and I was dilating well.  It didn’t take long for me to get to 10cm…. I think about an hour and a half after the Pitocin was started.  She was descending and we were sitting on go.  It was about 7am.

I was painfully disappointed that I had to deliver in the OR because she was still breech.  I wanted so badly for my sister in law to also witness the birth.  Thankfully my doctor made an exception and handed my mom a set of scrubs.  My mom was there for Kyle’s birth and I missed having her for Ellee's and Sadie’s.  Not knowing if I’d ever have another one, or at the very least if it would ever happen again in the US, I really wanted her there to see this one.

The OR was bright and there were so many people in there.  Felt like they brought the janitor and the cooks in, too, just for kicks.  So many people and me…. Ready to squeeze a baby out backwards.  I was scared and frustrated it wasn’t going like I had hoped.  But I knew I didn’t have much of a choice.  I didn’t want the decision for surgery to be made, so I gave it all I had.  My mom was beside me, and Jonathan behind my head.  My doc was coaching me, and everyone else.  Turns out not a single nurse I interacted with had ever seen a vaginal breech delivery.  It was a first for all of us, besides my doctor.  I pushed with all my might and Mom was saying, “It looks just like the videos.”  That was a comfort to me.  After about 4 minutes, she was born at 7:46AM.  Utter and complete relief, unlike any other feeling in the world.  She was set on my chest and I could touch her.  She held my finger.  I sobbed, as is my consistent reaction to birth.  She was white and sticky, like Ellee had been, but I didn’t care.  I stroked her and wept.  She was 10 days early, weighing 7 lbs and 2 ounces and 20” long.  Beautiful in every way.  Just like my others, but different, too.  I was so relieved to have her here.  I had felt irritated with her the last few weeks, wishing she would flip and give me some peace of mind.  But that all faded when I held her.  She was too tiny and sweet to be grumpy with her.  I wouldn’t have wished it to be that way, but I’m thankful I could do it.  An overwhelming majority of babies flip head down for birth.  And the few who stay breech are almost all delivered via C-section.  To deliver a breech baby vaginally in the modern world is definitely a unique experience.  She obviously didn’t just want to be the fourth, she wanted to be my first to back into the world!

{Notifying the family at home that Rosie had made a safe entry into the world.  Still in the OR.}

 She’s a doll and a content baby.  She’s sleeping great.  And she’s like honey to my soul.  My heart is filled to overflowing.

{Family Photo Shoot, 1 week old}

{2 1/2 Months Old}

~Abby

December First Musings

Fresh flowers from my yard

A lot of November was spent with people.  I love people.  We've been busy, in and out of Mokhotlong, and I feel like December is going to seem quiet in comparison.  After the World Race team departed, we had a tough situation arise which you can read about here.  It hurts to see people you love hurting.  But we also felt refreshed after our extended time with the team.  It's always worth it to pour into others and God is faithful to supply what you need even when you feel as though you have nothing to offer.

My parents and brother came and went and we had a wonderful time together.  Highlights were a totally unexpected snow dump, a hike up the mountain, jogging with my dad around Mokhotlong, skipping rocks on the river, tons of dish washing parties, hosting a Thanksgiving feast, horseback riding, a shopping trip with my mom and playing at the beach.  It is always such a special treat to have family around.

While we were with the World Race team in Johannesburg, some of the girls asked me what I miss about home.  Immediately the word "fall" came out of my mouth.  I love fall.  It's my favorite season.  I love everything about it, but especially the smells it brings.  It's tough every year to go through October and November as it warms up in the Southern Hemisphere and there are blossoms on the trees, rather than crackling colorful leaves.  I miss candles.  Candles aren't really a thing here.  Before we moved to Africa, I used to light a candle every night after dinner.  So a couple of my friends from the team went out that afternoon and bought me a Cinnamon Stick Yankee Candle while at the mall.  Yankee Candles are imported here and as if they aren't expensive in the US, they are even more so here.  I have seen them here at the fancy malls in the big cities, but have never splurged on one.  These two ladies got me one and brought it to me after I was half asleep that night.  They came in and handed me a heavy bag and it didn't register in my mind at that moment what it was.  It dawned on me a little while later.  I had to force myself to light it today.  I just want to save it because it's so special, I don't want to waste it!  This evening it is cool and rainy.  The perfect time to light a candle.  So I did, and I love it!  Thanks, Emma and Millie, for ministering to my fall-sick heart.

Before we took my family back to the airport, we threw leftover Thanksgiving dinner in the freezer.  I decided to try to jazz it up a bit this afternoon to turn it into a nice dinner.  I sort of used this recipe, although I did a ton of altering due to my limited resources.  I made my own cream of chicken soup mixture and subbed carrots for celery.  I also added French fried onions to the top because why not?  It was seriously delicious.  Highly recommend.

Decorating for Christmas takes me no more than ten minutes, as you can see by the state of our tiny tree.  Don't tell my kids that it's not normal.  They are super excited and are already begging to open their gifts.  I like our little tree.  It adds such a nice glow to the living room.

I hope all you lovely people are gearing up for a beautiful season celebrating Emmanuel, God with us.  May the miracle of His birth not be lost on us!

~Abby

Coffee with a Friend

Ellee turned four last week.  I am totally crazy about this girl.  She is so feisty.  She keeps me on my toes and stretches me far and wide.  But she loves generously.  She doesn’t ever withhold a compliment or word of affection if it pops into her little head.  She really is sugar and spice and I love her for it.  I hope she always keeps her spunk.

There are a million and one things I could share about her.  But I really was struck last night by how accepting and kind she is to anyone.  I went to get her from a neighbors’ house and found her sitting at their kitchen table, sipping coffee and munching chewy Basotho bread.  She was talking the ear off our neighbor’s shepherd.  It is winter, so the shepherd is back in Mokhotlong to be out of the harsh environment of the rural mountains.  During the summer, he lives alone way, way out in a small hut.  However, it is safer for him to spend winter here, because he has more access to heat sources and doesn’t run the risk of freezing to death if it snows.  During the winter, the shepherd goes off in the morning with the herd and doesn’t return until sundown.  When he gets the sheep and goats back into their corral for the night, he goes to the house kitchen for supper, which he typically eats alone.  He eats a massive portion, as he hasn’t eaten all day, and he isn’t shy about shoveling it in for that very reason.  After supper, he goes down to his own small house beside the corral and sleeps, only to do it all again tomorrow.  He does this routine every single day without exception.  He doesn’t speak a bit of English but that didn’t deter Ellee.  She was just jabbering away about how hungry he must be because he’d been gone all day.  And something about the sheep and goats and I don’t know what else.  I couldn’t help but smile at how opposite it looked, little Ellee with her french braided blonde hair, pink jeans and light up Minnie Mouse shoes in the chair beside a man who couldn’t be less like her.  The shepherd, although friendly, is very rugged.  He dresses in very traditional shepherd garb.  His clothes are well worn, his beard is scruffy, his thick blanket and heavy rubber boots quickly indicate that he spends his days quite isolated while he watches the herds graze on the hillside.  I would honestly expect Ellee to be a bit skittish around him.  Obviously I am wrong about her.  She left with me saying how he is her friend and she would finish her coffee tomorrow with him.  She didn’t want him to eat alone.  I don’t pretend to know or understand all the cultural morés here.  But I’ve heard and seen enough over my years here to know that shepherds are not generally accepted as friends by non-shepherds.  They do their jobs, but they are quite a separate part of society in most cases.  Not to Ellee though.  She hasn’t lived long enough to pick up on those social boundaries and I am glad.  

I hope she never allows her friendliness to be contained by social groups.  I hope she will always befriend the outcasts or those who are viewed as different or less important.  I hope she never cares if someone is black or white, rich or poor, educated or not.  I hope she always pulls up a chair and talks about life with another gentle, friendly soul.  I hope she never quits enjoying coffee with a friend.  I hope she never changes.

(Table Mountain, Cape Town RSA)

~Abby

Wanderer

As a child, I used to love to visit my grandparents' house.  As an adult, I still get just as excited.  When I return to that log cabin set beautifully atop a mountain, memories of summer days and winter nights come flooding back.  Having spent a career in the Air Force, my Oma and Opa have collected a variety of unique items which decorate their lovely home.  I enjoy looking at the paintings and carvings from foreign lands.  The house itself is warm and welcoming, but most of all I love the memories I have from many visits over the years.  

The smell of strong coffee fills the house in the mornings.   Slowly but surely family arises and gathers for a simple breakfast.  Some have slept at the Big House, others at the cottage on the backside of the property, some even camp in the side yard in a pop out camper.  Mornings are spent on the front porch if it’s warm outside, or in the sunroom if it’s chilly.  When breakfast is cleared and put away, a family walk is on the agenda.  We spend a lot of time walking and exploring the land surrounding the house.

There is a pond on the bottom of the property where we go to feed the fish.  Walking down is easy, but walking back up is always a feat.  When I was small, it felt like such a long ways.  Now I realize it isn’t that far at all.  We climb trees and inspect moss and collect flowers for a table center piece.  In the heat of summer, we enjoy picking blackberries.  

Games begin on the front terraces during the late morning and after lunch.  Three legged races, bocce ball or softball with plastic bats and plastic balls are included in some of the fun.  We spread quilts on the lawn and enjoy each other’s company in the shade.  The beautiful lawn doubles as a driving range, where Opa practices his long-range shots.  We take rides in the golf cart and hunt for lost golf balls.  Sometimes, if it’s too hot or too cold, we venture down into the basement for more games or a classic movie.  I remember watching Lion King and Riverdance the most.  Those are two of my very favorite movies even now.  I almost always tear up watching Riverdance now because it takes me right back to my childhood in Oma’s basement.  

Summer nights are spent playing outside games.  We love to play flashlight tag.  We dress in dark clothes, set boundaries around the yard, and run to hide in our best spots.  My dad and my uncle often begin the hunting.  Fireflies light up in the dark and crickets are making noise all around.  We do our best to not giggle as they walk right past us. 

  

During the holidays, the house bustles with people moving about preparing for a big family get-together.  Some set places at the tables, while others are assembling the food on the buffet.  My Oma is a great cook and an even better hostess.  The air is so chilly outside, but sometimes I go out on the front porch swing while the dinner is being prepared.  There is plenty of space to spread out inside, but I enjoy sitting outside and breathing in the fresh mountain air and gazing at the starry night.  There seem to be so many more stars above that mountain than anywhere else.  

When the night is over and we all head to our designated sleeping spots, I enjoy replaying the day’s events before falling asleep.  It never gets old being there.  It’s the perfect place to visit, relax, eat and have tons of fun.  

Months ago, I saw an add for Wanderer Bracelets with coordinates from your favorite place.  During this stage of my life, I certainly feel like a wanderer.  I also feel as though I'll never feel completely at home anywhere again.  I've left pieces of my heart in lots of places and I'm only just getting started.  That specific place holds such cherished memories for me, I decided to order myself a Wanderer Bracelet with the coordinates from my grandparents' front porch.  I love knowing a little piece of my heart is with me even here.

~Abby

Diaper Duty - River Edition

Last week Mokhotlong experienced the heaviest rain we’ve seen here.  It began with a torrential downpour which caused a flash flood.  The flood caused much damage which included washing away the pipes that feed water to our area from the water source.  Thus, the water has been off for over a week now.  Our tank is still supplying water to our house.  We have been seriously rationing water (....back to the outhouse….) because we have no way of knowing how long it will take to repair the pipe damage.  After inspection today, we see that it is still over half way full.

Washing laundry uses so much water.  I had been letting it pile up in hopes that the water would return.  Yesterday, however, we decided it was time to take matters into our own hands.  Literally.  The sun was shining for the first time in days.  So we gathered up a week’s worth of laundry for six people, and Lacy and I walked a short distance to the river nearby our house.  This river has been running pretty well for the past few months.  However, after all the rain last week, it is running at probably four times its usual flow.  There are always ladies and young girls doing laundry here, so we certainly weren’t alone.  We brought our bucket, some soap, a scrub brush and a lot of elbow grease.  We managed to wash a lot of laundry in about an hours time.  When we brought it back to the house, we threw it in the washing machine for a spin cycle to save our hands from trying to wring it dry.  Then it hung on the line over night and now it’s folded and ready to be put away.  Does it get any more organic than that?  I want to know if all the green, crunchy, eco-friendly folks are doing their laundry this way.  If they aren't, I want to know why not. 

This morning, we headed back over to the river to do the same thing — only today, diapers were our duty.  Someday, I’m going to tell Sadie Kate that Aunt Lacy and I hand washed her diapers in the river in Mokhotlong.  I’m going to tell her that she cannot misbehave because we’ve done too much for her needy little self.  Joy was there helping us, as well as another girl who lives nearby.  We finished the diapers and they are now in the machine for a spin cycle as well.  I will probably spring for paper diapers to use until the water comes back on.  I think she’s worth it.  And I think our hands are worth it, too.  

After washing diapers, Lacy decided to wash her hair in the waterfall.  We have still been taking showers, albeit less often and more quickly.  Nevertheless, running water and sunshine provides a good opportunity to get clean.  I brought shampoo for that very purpose.  She went first, then I followed suit.  The water was so cold on our backs and we might’ve screamed the entire way through it.  But we have clean hair.  And fun memories.  

Kyle or Gollum?

There is no way to estimate how long it will take for the water supply to be repaired.  This is, after all, Africa and nothing happens quickly.  Between river laundry and showers, I think we can manage to make our tank last at least another week.  If it comes to it, we’ll make a plan then.  For now, we are enjoying nature and the simplicity of washing in the river.   Next up, muddy shoes!

~Abby

Happy Birthday Sadie Bug!

Happy.  It's the best way to describe my girl.  She is happy every day!  She is happy to watch her brother and sister play.  She is happy to go outside and play.  She is happy to sit inside and play.  She is happy to be held.  She's happy to crawl around!  She's just happy!

This year has flown.  She has been such a joy to have around, it hasn't felt long.  Every day has been delightful with her.  I'm serious!  She is so sweet it's just fun to have her here.  She is affectionately known around here as, "Say Say", "Sadie Bug", "Bug Bug" and "Sister."  The kids call her Say Say which is so cute!  They love having a little sister.

Ellee at the top, SK on the bottom - both on their first birthday!

Over the past month and a half, she's really increased what she'll eat.  For the longest time she was surviving off breastmilk and Cheerios.  Now she eats lots of things!  Her favorite food is pasta, hands down.  She eats more pasta than I think is good for her.  I have to make her stop and she cries about it.  She has four teeth and two more on the way in.  I see the very beginnings of molars back there, too.  She really does a number gumming food without many chompers.  I imagine she'll be ready for steak once those molars get through.  Teething hasn't been much of a battle, thankfully.  Breastfeeding, on the other hand, hasn't been as easy!  You'd think on the third kid, it would be.  But we've hit a few bumps in the road this year.  I had what felt like the makings of an infection a few weeks back.  After some anti-inflammatory meds, lots of heat and water, and many prayers, it went away.  Nevertheless, she's still nursing 6X a day and, while she isn't exactly a settled nurser, she does so love her baby milk.

She's sleeping on her own through the night finally.  She slept great the first six months of the life.  Then she discovered how to sit up on her own, and that was the end of her good sleeping.  When we got back to Africa, we did baby boot camp.  After a few rough nights, she gave up and realized she was going to have to sleep eventually.  It's been smooth sailing from there.  She sleeps twice during the day and 11-12 hours at night.

She doesn't really want anything to do with walking yet.  She's happy to crawl and she pulls up on everything.  She climbs up on things.  She just doesn't want to let go and stand alone or attempt any wobbly steps.  I'm ready for her to walk -- crawling clothes are so dirty all the time.  Going outside is difficult because there isn't much space that isn't rocky or soil.  But I'll have to be patient because walking is not something you can force!

In August, I took her to New York with my mom and me.  It was so special to spend a few days just with her.  She's a great side kick!  I put her in the sling and carried her all around and she loved it.  In a few weeks I'm taking her to the Lesotho Missionary Ladies retreat.  I'm looking forward to spending more quality time together.

I feel it deserves noting that she has traveled around the world in her first year of life!  When she was just a week old, she spent a morning at the Indian Ocean.  In April, she played in the Atlantic Ocean.  Then in July, she dipped her tiny toes in the Pacific Ocean.  I din't see her making it to the Arctic anytime soon, but three out of four ain't bad for a one year old!  She has more frequent flier miles than most adults I know!  She's a super traveler.

We started her birthday with a french toast breakfast.  I made a cake yesterday in honor of one of her favorite things -- sheep!  She loves to watch the herds go by our house every day.  Sometimes she sits out by the gate and watches them pass.  I hunted for a birthday gift for her while we were in South Africa last week, but came up short.  I couldn't find what I was looking for and didn't want to just waste money on something.  I'll keep hunting for a doll house for her for Christmas.  In the meantime, she'll have to just enjoy a toothbrush and toothpaste instead.  I know she will because she loves to brush her teeth.  She follows me around when I am brushing my teeth grunting and pointing and groaning for my toothbrush.  Now she has one of her own!

A recap of SK's first year :

On her true birthday

Passport photo

Snug as a bug in a rug

Cuddling with Joy

One month

Traveling to America -7 weeks old

Three months

Four months

Five months

Six months

Seven months

Eight months

Nine months

NY trip 

Ten months

Eleven months

12 months!

You are just the happiest, Sadie girl.  I love the way you smile with your tongue.  I love how much you love people!   I love every bit of you!  Happy first birthday!

~Abby