The Apple of My Eye

A year ago, I barely knew how vastly my life was changing.  A year ago, I barely knew the joy motherhood was bringing.  A year ago, I hardly understood the responsibility I was being handed.  A year ago, I began to grasp love.  As a seven pound-nine ounce soft, slippery, screaming child was laid on my belly, I was engulfed by the power of emotion I felt toward my own son. The child I wasn't sure I'd ever have.  The baby boy I had longed for for years.  His face was sweeter than I could've ever imagined.  His lips were even bigger than the glimpse I caught on the sonogram.  His skin was velvety soft.  Like a feather in my arms, he seemed to weigh nothing.  He was brand new; just out of the womb - the purest of lives.  My very own son to nurture, love, train and cherish.  It was like I had dreamed him into life.   Words cannot adequately describe what I felt in that moment.

Before long the nurse offered to turn down the lights so he could see better.  He opened his eyes wide and looked deep into mine as if to ask, "Who are you?" "I'm your mommy, Kyle," I thought to myself,  "I promise to care for you, teach and encourage you, cherish and love you every day God gives me with you.  You can count on me.  I'll always look out for you.  I'll always protect you.  I'll always be here for you, my son."  

In my sheer exhaustion after over thirty hours with no sleep, all I wanted to do was snuggle up with my perfect baby and take a nap.  So, we did just that.  It was pure bliss.  The sweet smell of a baby just hours into the world.  A semi-comfortable hospital bed.  His breath so soft again my chest.  A bulky and completely unflattering hospital gown.  Nurses in and out every half hour.  So, yeah.... It had the potential to be perfection, but a few minor details hindered that a bit.  Nevertheless, that moment was one of the very sweetest of my entire life thus far.  Indescribable.

This year has been the most delightful year of my life.  Kyle has changed me, stretched me, taught me and caused me to rely on God for strength and patience.  I find that every day is a new adventure with him, as I watch his excitement for life and everything he hasn't yet explored.  It is a treat to wake up to him every morning, play with stacking cups, chase him around the living room, read books, sit with him outside, snuggle with him before nap time and spend my every waking moment with this sweet boy.  Some days are more trying than others, when my arms feel like they could fall off or I can't possibly think of why he could be crying.  But, they are all rewarding.  Every night when I creep into his room and watch him sleeping softly in his crib, my heart swells and sometimes my eyes sweat a little.  He is absolutely the apple of my eye.

It is a sobering reality to be entrusted with the life of a child.  I am committed now more than ever to live a life worth mirroring.  It is my prayer that in all things, if Kyle follows my lead and example, he will draw closer to God daily.  I pray that he will grow "in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and men."

Mommy loves you, Kyle baby.  You are "my beloved son in whom I am well pleased."  Happy first birthday!

~Abby